Wednesday, November 26, 2014

Playing Double Dutch With The Pragmatic & Radical

I don’t care to appear like I’m a super woman, whose super human strength is to always be empowered every minute of every day, because the truth is a Super Woman is just another women who’s exhausting herself behind closed doors for the sake of a little outside admiration because she doesn’t quite feel like she would be enough without it.

Detaching from my humanity or pretending that I’m not living in human form right now serves me no purpose. I am not some God-like-hero-creature who tries to polish her shiny light more than it actually is  because there is a huge difference between shining authentically and shining inauthentically; inauthentic brightness is so much so that’s it’s blinding other people from being able to see their own damn journey.  I have no intention of blinding everyone so much so, that all they can see is my journey …Hey, everyone, look how damn shiny I am!!

Ever drive at dusk with the sun in your eyes?  The sun is a beautiful and warm, but too much at the wrong angle causes blindness and collisions. The saying is to ‘shine bright’, not ‘burn peoples retinas’. Hell, If I’m shining brighter, it’s for personal benefits, and if you happen to catch a nice little tan and I act as a spotlight that allows another to locate their own path, around me, great.

I am a person who keeps trying damn hard to conquer her trials and tribulations with nothing more than the blood sweat and tears that I am willing to put into it. Life ain’t no seated lotus meditation somewhere in the silence of the Himalayas…it’s a fucking steep and jagged rock climb….and the higher I go, the altitude starts working against me; my knees, shins, palms and knuckles are bleeding, it’s damn hard to breathe, my nails are broken and my hands are callused. My shirt is filthy, shredded and drenched in sweat and the mascara that I once put on believing that it could change the way I felt about myself is now running down my face as though ACDC’s makeup artist was on the road less traveled with me. 

Being human is hard ass work if your plan is to learn how to be happy and well amidst the challenges and hardships that are inevitable in a lifetime… but every few hundred feet that I climb, right when I start to think I’m so tired  that I can’t hold on or climb higher; right about when the safety of my harness begins seducing my insecurities with the idea of letting myself fall so it can catch me on the way down, the mountain will gift me with an even ledge to steady my footing. They’re call A-HA moments. Sometimes the mountain isn’t kind, it doesn’t change its terrain because you want it to or think you need it to; sometimes you find yourself climbing a flat side and you slip, you drop back down a few feet. It’s not the mountains fault; it’s just where you happen to be climbing. If you don’t like it stop climbing upwards and start climbing sideways to find a terrain that is climbable. Sidetracking isn’t a disadvantage.    

Let me just recap on that….the challenges and hardships are inevitable! They do not go away, the only change that occurs is the one within you and the strength that grows along with the way you perceive these experiences and how you will or won’t respond or react to them…and you will know that you have arrived at the top when the challenges and hardships seem to have gone away only because you perceive them differently, but they are still there.   

What is now called New Age (which boggles my mind as the mere practice stems from old ways) makes more sense to me than any of the other theoretical nonsense being barfed around.

In regards to both the Eastern and Western philosophy and ideology Cheerleaders , I think most of them are just as cracked out and delusional as the next. They are both extreme and anything in extreme is unappealing. No, I will not vaccinate my kids for every annual sneeze or the season’s latest petri dish, but I have absolutely no issue jabbing them with the reason Polio doesn’t exist anymore.

The airy fairy, fluffy, woo-woo in a lot of the spiritual and holistic information going around right now throws me off….and I often wonder “Are you fucking kidding me? Your goal is to reach out and inspire humans so they can tap into their spirit but you’ve so strongly detached from your own humanity….Woah Nelly, release some of that helium and get your ass back down on this earth and lay off the St John’s Wort. Some of these so called spiritual teachers are no better than the air brushed, photo shopped models we put on magazines whose phony perfection romances our ego.  Get real!

I appreciate teachers who have zero issue saying “dude, don’t be so hard on yourself, I may have come this far but I am still figuring my shit out and I probably will until the day I die because I am human and if for one second you feel that I should fall into some category that you’ve predetermined by your own ideas of who I should be, rest assured those are your standards that are disappointing you, not mine.

Maybe in my next life I’ll come back as a fern, or maybe I won’t come back in some tangible form at all, and I’ll just hang around and give people goose bumps when they’re either on the right track or acting like a fucking idiot; but for now…I’m Jen Taylor am human and I live down here with my feet on solid ground not up on some cloud.  I know damn well am going to screw up, in all probability for the rest of my life. I am going to make terrible choices. I am sometimes going to go against everything I know I should do…I am going to sometimes give into instant gratification. I will sit on my ever growing arse when I should probably exercise and I will sometimes stray from what I know works because I’m feeling rebellious. When my time is up here I will have been a great mom and I will have been a shitty one;  a great partner and the worst one imaginable….and sometimes I will love who I am and at times I will get down on myself harder than anyone else ever could. I will hurt others, unintentionally and intentionally, and I will be hurt by others intentionally or unintentionally. Voila…it’s called a human experience and sitting there pretending that you aren’t having one…or  that you’ve moved beyond the human challenges is a pile o’crap, because if that was the case you would be dead. There is no crash course, no weekend workshop, no lesson you could learn that will ever take away the human experience and all that comes with it.

I am a divine feminine goddess; albeit, one with a dirty mind, a bad mouth and mean right hook. I honor my body, my temple; but every once in a while I trash it as though the parents are out of town.  I will sometimes learn my lessons with ease and grace; at other times I will only learn them after a doozy of a face plant… and then there will always be the times that the Universe will have me sitting in the fucking corner with a bruised and banged up face and wearing a dunce cap for being such a pig headed and stubborn student. I am human.      

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